THE “HOW ARE WE DOING?” TECHNIQUE: A TOOL FOR RESTORING EMOTIONAL SYNCHRONIZATION IN COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS

Abstract

This article presents the author's psychological technique “How are we doing?”, aimed at restoring emotional synchronization and closeness between partners in couple relationships. The theoretical basis of the technique comprises S. Johnson's emotionally focused therapy, which views the emotional bond between partners as a primary need in relationships, M. Lesser's concept of conscious communication, and R. Plutchik's psychoevolutionary theory of emotions. The methodology includes eight sequential steps: preparation for dialogue, posing the main question, listening on three levels (content, emotions, needs), identifying the gap between the real and desired state of the relationship, creating a shared vision, completing the dialogue, reflection, and integrating the practice into everyday life. The technique has two application variants: for work with married couples and for restoring relationships between parents and adult children. Contraindications are identified: active violence, infidelity, acute grief, exacerbation of mental illness, active addiction without remission, and states of affect or extreme exhaustion. The technique was tested on a sample of five couples (participants aged 22–38 years, relationship duration from 11 months to 8 years) over a six-month period. Qualitative analysis revealed initial difficulties in mastering deep listening skills and formulating I-statements, which gradually transformed into stable communicative competencies. Participants reported improved communication quality, growth in the sense of emotional closeness and mutual understanding, development of active listening skills, reduced daily tension, and greater readiness for compromise. The technique proved effective both for couples in crisis and as a preventive tool for maintaining relationship health. Prospects for further research include quantitative assessment of effectiveness using validated psychometric instruments and expansion of the sample